Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

(Photo courtesy of blissfullydomestic.com)

Neil Sedaka had it right; breaking up is hard to do. Whether you’re the dump-er or the dump-ee, hurt is bound to follow.

The Dump-er

Although it may seem like the easier position of the two, no one likes hurting people (at least if you’re a good person you don’t).

I recently read an article on collegecandy.com about the etiquette of breaking up. Miss Manners offered these tips:

-Break up face to face

-Avoid using clichés

-Don’t say, “I love you” unless you actually mean it

-Don’t hook up/get caught with another guy too soon

Her overall rule, though, and the most important: Be Respectful.

No matter what this guy has done to you, leave with the upper hand. Be the classy mature woman you would want to be remembered as.

My own tip for breaking up is to wait out your decision for a bit. In the days following a break-up, you may desperately miss that person. After being with them for so long, you may come to realize how much time you spent with them and may no longer know how to fill it. And in today’s world, grabbing your cell phone, or communicating via Facebook with your ex is all too easy...don’t! While you may miss them for now, wait at least two weeks before taking any action. That way you can decide if you really miss them as a person, or if you just miss companionship in general.

The Dump-ee

My hard and fast rule for breaking up: You get two days to wallow, two weeks to be sad, and then go on with your life as usual. If he broke up with you, he obviously couldn’t see all the wonderful things you had to offer, or perhaps you just weren’t compatible. Move on!

Romanceforeveryone.com gives their tips on moving on:

-Figure out who is in your support network

-Remove reminders of the relationship

-Minimize contact with your ex

-Don’t start dating immediately

-Hang out with your single friends

My number one pet peeve about people who have just broken up is reading all about it on Facebook or Twitter. Don’t feel the need to update everyone on your friends list about your feelings via status updates!

No matter what, remember things happen for a reason. Dating is all trial and error, and eventually, things will work out for the best.

Thinking Outside the Dating Box

I was a high school cliché, a cheerleader dating the all-American football player. But at a high school of 400 kids, almost every guy played football. Even the theater guys played football. Never once would I say I had a “type.” I dated bad boys, class clowns, guys who could sing and guys who could shoot a bow and arrow.

But after coming to college, I realized a lot of girls do seem to date the same type of guys, each one almost a paper-doll cutout of the next. I learned a new vocabulary word when my friend got called a “jersey-chaser” because she had a thing for athletes. I also have a friend who only seems to be attracted to guys of one fraternity. So what does that make her, a “letter-chaser”? There are also those almost incestuous groups that continuously hook up with different people from their clique of friends or people on their dorm floor (floor-cest).

So is it good to have a type, to know what you want and to go for it? Or, does it rule out people that could potentially be a perfect fit? I tend to agree with the latter for one reason: picky eaters. I hated eating anything green when I was little. Corn and carrots were fine, but a green bean was repulsive. A few years down the line, and I actually find myself craving fresh salads and broccoli after one too many Spike’s burritos.

Either way, vegetables or guys, you don’t know what you like until you try out a variety of types. Carrot after carrot can be great, but you may be missing out on a really tasty cucumber.

Not to mention, most of us are in our early 20s, the age where we have no clue what we want. I can barely pick out what skirt to wear each day, let alone what I want out of a relationship. We all know at least one person that has changed their major about eight times. I think it’s safe to say our “types” will change as time goes on. If I end up 40 and single, a Samantha-type girl from “Sex and the City,” then maybe I will consider narrowing down my interests to a “type.”

Next weekend when you’re hanging out at the same frat house as every other weekend, try thinking more about that cute non-greek guy. Maybe that guy you see hanging out in FAC all the time can make you laugh harder than anyone else on the field. Make yourself a vegetable medley and discover what else is out there.

http://www.timesdelphic.com/2010/10/03/thinking-outside-the-dating-box