My
first thought as I put on my makeup today was that ten years ago I didn’t wear
makeup. The last time I saw my mother alive I was fresh-faced, my biggest worry
was how fast I could run a mile in P.E. and my big weekend plans still involved
the Disney channel. It’s amazing how much life can change in one decade. In
fact, decade is a hefty word full of
meaning. It represents an entire chunk of time passing, with new cultural fads,
new technological innovations. As much as my life has changed, I hate the fact
that a decade implies that enough
time has gone by to escape the hurt that comes with losing someone so close to
you. It’s not. No matter how many personal changes I’ve gone through, that hurt
remains with you for life. The regret for words left unsaid has followed me
into each new relationship. Career accomplishments come with the shadow of the
one person who can’t tell me they’re proud of me. The loneliness can find you
anywhere, even deep in the hills of Tuscany where I thought I could disappear
from everything left behind.
That’s
not to say that strength doesn’t come from tragedy.
